I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

[jesuschrist2k1.livejournal.com]

Hey, everyone. I'm writing a little puppet show for my Russian language class (first year, second semester). I've written a script, and I was wondering if anyone would do a quick read and find any major errors. By "major errors," I mean errors like imperfective/perfective problems, case problems, or anything that doesn't quite make sense. The story is a little weird to begin with. I'd describe it as a dramatization of the Laika Epic. I've provided the English translation (or at least what I hope it translates to!) just in case nothing makes sense. The links go to my own LJ because I wasn't sure what the policy was on pasting giant chunks of text in the community. Thanks!

По-русски and in English.

Comments

[jesuschrist2k1.livejournal.com]

Oh, and if you go to my LJ main page, please ignore the picture of my ingrown toenail. Gross. NSFW. Etc.

[oryx_and_crake]

First of all, it's "по-русски", not "по-русский".

Gone to read, will be back.

[jesuschrist2k1.livejournal.com]

Whoops!

[cema.livejournal.com]

Дедушка is a granddad. Did you mean мужчина and женщина?

"В космосе".

"Пришёл" in a remark is better: must be perfective. (Besides, приходил implies he came in and left.)

Есть, in contrast to нет (нету), does not require Genitive case, but Accusative. So the dog could ask "у вас есть шпинат?" or "нет ли у вас шпината?" etc.

"Откуда вы знаете моё имя".

"Хочется".

Космос is male, so it's something like "он хороший". A more likely answer would be "очень нравится", echoing the question verb.

"Уеду" is awkward here. In space, we still use the word "лететь", so it would be "полетишь на Землю" etc (notice the prefix too).

"Умерла".

"Вы меня слышите?" ("Можете слышать" is an English form: can you hear etc).

Otherwise, a nicely put together and, uh, reasonably optimistic story. :-)

[jesuschrist2k1.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks for reading. One question, though: does "у вас есть шпината?" imply "some spinach" instead of just "spinach"?

[wolk-off.livejournal.com]

у вас есть шпинат? -- in any case. Or, у вас есть немного шпината?

To be honest, I still can't get the exact difference between English "some something" and just "something", which means that there is not too much of a difference for Russian "language consciousness" :)

[wolk-off.livejournal.com]

There is no special rule concerning "giant chunks of text" here, so I think that the simple lj-cut policy works just fine.

[oryx_and_crake]

And please note that in plays the author's remarks are always in present tense, as they indeed are in your english text:
Директор входит (The Director enters)
Лайка умирает (Laika dies)