I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

[jesuschrist2k1.livejournal.com]

Hey, everyone. I'm writing a little puppet show for my Russian language class (first year, second semester). I've written a script, and I was wondering if anyone would do a quick read and find any major errors. By "major errors," I mean errors like imperfective/perfective problems, case problems, or anything that doesn't quite make sense. The story is a little weird to begin with. I'd describe it as a dramatization of the Laika Epic. I've provided the English translation (or at least what I hope it translates to!) just in case nothing makes sense. The links go to my own LJ because I wasn't sure what the policy was on pasting giant chunks of text in the community. Thanks!

По-русски and in English.