Are you married?

[david-us.livejournal.com]

I ran into a nice elderly Russian couple the other day at the Detroit airport. They could speak a little English, but not much. I could tell they were very excited to be conversing with somebody that, at least, halfway understood them.

I was pretty sure they were married, but I wasn't sure. It occurred to me to ask, but then it entered my mind, "How do I ask them (together), whether they are married to one another?"

In Russian, I recalled that there was a specific way to say that a woman is married and that there was a different way to say that a man is married. What is the generic way of asking two people, together, whether they are married?

Would, "Вы женаты друг с другом?" have been appropriate?

While we're on the topic: What if I was only talking to a woman - how would I ask her if she was married?

And then, what about a man?

Thanks!

David Emerling
Memphis, TN

Comments

[oryx_and_crake]

To a couple: Вы муж и жена?
To a woman: Вы замужем?
To a woman, when the man is somewhere nearby: Это ваш муж?
To a man: Вы женаты?
To a man, when the woman is nearby: Это ваша жена?

[kostez.livejournal.com]

when you're speaking to both - just "Вы женаты?" or "Вы муж и жена?"
applying to a man - the same "Вы женаты?"
if only talking to a woman - "Вы замужем?"

[paparazzzzi.livejournal.com]

For a woman: Вы замужем?
For a man: Вы женаты?
For a couple: Вы женаты? or Вы муж и жена?

Just in case: it's a pretty straight and may be a little unpolite question.

[oryx_and_crake]

I agree, it might be a little too... bold, maybe.

[gera.livejournal.com]

If they were excited about the conversation, that would be ok.

[khathi.livejournal.com]

"Вы женаты?" is okay for the couple too. I fail to imagine the situation where it would be understood any other way.

[oryx_and_crake]

It's kinda tricky. While "Вы муж и жена?" sounds as if you ask whether they are, in fact, spouses and not, say, brother and sister, "Вы женаты?" sounds more as if you ask whether they are not living in sin. I would certainly cringe if someone would ask me that.

[khathi.livejournal.com]

Well, the question itself is a kinda bold for me, so I believe that it shouldn't be too much of a problem. ;)

[paparazzzzi.livejournal.com]

Agree :) But in other situations we need to use it carefuly.

[hellga.livejournal.com]

I agree... I would be weirded out if someone asked me that. Somehow, in English "Are you guys married?" sounds a lot more casual.

And if you really want to sound like an interrogator, you may ask, "Состоите ли вы в браке?" :D

[david-us.livejournal.com]

Yeah, especially if he was with his girlfriend, while his wife was at home. :)

The wife did most of the talking. I remember mentioning how nice she was (I used the adjective милая - I hope that was correct.) The man (her husband, I assume) jokingly made a comment that she was only nice to strangers - but not him. They were a funny old couple.

I don't get too many opportunities to use Russian, so I like situations like these.

David Emerling
Memphis, TN

[david-us.livejournal.com]

Oh, well, I guess I learned something then. This is a common question in the United States and is not considered the least bit rude when meeting people.

In Russia, it's considered a bit rude, huh?

Thanks.

David Emerling
Memphis, TN

[oryx_and_crake]

I'd say that the question about marital status is a personal one and you normally don't ask unknown people personal questions (in the same way, you would not ask how old they are, or how much they weigh etc. unless they start discussing this first). In North American setting I may ask "Are you a couple?" but I certainly would not ask "Are you married?" because people may be girlfriend/boyfriend couple but not husband and wife; and it is certainly no business of mine whether they really took their marriage vows or not.

[david-us.livejournal.com]

I think what you're saying is probably more true if you're talking with two very young people. But it just doesn't seem so rude if you're talking to a couple in their 70's.

Fortunately, I never asked the question.

David Emerling
Memphis, TN

technically

[goluboglazaya.livejournal.com]

are you married to each other? - вы женаты друг на друге? sounds a bit strange, but fine to my ear, though i might be mistaken. anyway the sentence conveys the meaning which is the most important)

[besisland.livejournal.com]

The best choice would be “Вы состоите в браке?” You can address a man, a woman, a couple.

The difference between the forms “женаты” и “замужем” is determined by the object, not the subject. When you are married to a man, you are “замужем за ним”. When you are married to a woman, you are “женат на ней”.

Don’t forget about same-sex marriages: a man married to a man is “замужем”, not “женат”. So you should never ask a man if he is “женат” because you can offend him; and the same for a woman and the form of “жената”. The form “Вы состоите в браке?” solves this problem, too.

[scifigal.livejournal.com]

But would you cringe if the person were just learning Russian? They certainly aren't going to understand the implications.

Personally, I just say Вы пара?

I think that we forget sometimes that new language learners are given a wider berth to make...blunders we wouldn't normally forgive.

I remember first coming to Ukraine, and my host mother trying to tell me that her parents were dead, and she had to resort to pantomiming death, which wasn't at all politically correct. :)

[devitor.livejournal.com]

Don't mess things up, question 'вы женаты?' could not be understood wrong way - if one say it without any wrong expression, of course

[devitor.livejournal.com]

'Вы пара?' sounds weird for me. Also it is equivalent of 'are you tougether?' which makes it wider than marriage.

[scifigal.livejournal.com]

I know what it means, but for me, that's all I'm concerned about socially. :)