Maya cemia

[http://users.livejournal.com/_emper_/]

zdraztvouite!
(izvinite, I don't know how to write in Russian with the Latin alphabet, and I didn't yet figure out my keyboard.. so I'll stick to English).

Behind the lj-cut, I have put a text that I composed for Russian class (First year; level 2).
It is about my family (hope you can figure that one out; if not, then my Russian must be really bad).

Technically, I need 15 sentences. I have 20. I was wondering if it was possible to rephrase some sentences and remove some ona and on (highlighted in yellow); I find I use them too often.

Also, I'd like to know if I put the accents at the right places. If ever I did a mistake concerning that, please let me know, because this text is for a recording, so I need to be able to say the words as they sound.

One last thing: for some words, I wasn't sure how to translate them (Parol officer and Fashion designer); if you could let me know what is the correct formula, that would be wonderful!



Here's the translation in English:

I have a big family: I have two brothers and one sister.

My mother's name is Anna. She was born in Ivory Coast, but she is French. She is a maid.

My father's name is Peter. He was born in Drummond, New Brunswick (in Canada). He is a parol officer.

My oldest brother's name is Eric. He lives in Edmonton, Alberta. He is 25 years old. He works in a mill. His girlfriend's name is Marie.

My younger brother's name is Daniel. He is 21 years old. He finished college a few months ago. He wants to be an engineer.

Finally, my sister's name is Helen. She is 16 years old. She is in high school. She wants to be a fashion designer.

Thanks a lot for any constructive feedback! ^_^
EMPER

Comments

[beltspinner.livejournal.com]

you have nice handwriting. not quite cursive or block letters, but it is pretty

[http://users.livejournal.com/_emper_/]

Why thank you! :)

[oryx_and_crake]

You should pay more attention to cases (yes, I know it is one of the most difficult things for an English speaker). But you have the same errors all over the text. (I have listed several phrases below but they are not the only ones that have this error in them.)

у меня болЬшАЯ семья: два братА и однА сестрА
моЕГО старшЕГО братА зовут Эрик.
ЕМУ двадцать пять лет.
его подругУ зовут Мари.
моЮ сестрУ зовут Елена.
ЕЙ шестнадцать лет.

[belacane.livejournal.com]

I don't want to do your homework for you, but here's some tips.
Your biggest problem seems to be cases.

1) меня зовут Алиса = my name is alisa
but it literally trasnlates as 'they call me alisa'.
in the above construction notice меня is in the accusative case. This will be true for all constructions asking what someone's name is.
Thus for example:
My Mothers name is Ana = they call my mother Ana = моЮ мать/маму зовут Ана.

keep in mind though, that for MALE/NEUTER ANIMATE, the accusative form is the same as the genitive for male.
so My fathers name is Peter = моЕГО отцА зовут Петр.

2) ages
I think of it like this
I am 22 years old = to me is 22 years = МНЕ (dative case) двадцать два года
whoever your talking about when you're refering to age will always be in the dative case.
моЕЙ сестрЕ тринадцать лет = my sister is 13 (to my sister is 13 years)

3) cases and locations.
basic general rule: if you're AT a location it's НА or В + prepositional case.
BUT if you're GOING SOMEWHERE it's НА or В + accusative case.

example:
He works AT a factory = он работает НА заводЕ
He's going/walking to the factory = он идет НА завод

and you can spell all the canadian cities in cyrilic... normally they decline for cases like every other word.

[oryx_and_crake]

P.S. And yes, parole officer is probably OK to be translated as инспектор по надзору. (I just don't know if there is a special russian term for that, so I guess your version would do nicely.) Please mind that the stress goes on the second syllable, not on the last.

Fashion designer is модельер.

[ars-longa.livejournal.com]

меня большая семья: двое братьев и одна сестра.

Мою мать зовут Анна. Она родилась в Айвори Кост, но она француженка. Она работает домработницей (или уборщицей).

Моего отца зовут Питер. Он родился в Драммонд, Нью Брунсвик (это в Канаде). Он инспектор по надзору (За кем? You need to specify that. There is no such thing as инспектор по надзору шт general in Russian).

Моего старшего брата зовут Эрик. Он живет в Эдмонтоне, Альберта. Ему 25 лет. Он работает на заводе. Его девушку зовут Мари.

Моего младшего брата зовут Дэниел. Ему 21 год. Он окончил колледж несколько месяцев назад и собирается работать инженером.

И, наконец, мою сестру зовут Хелен. Ей 16 лет. Она учится в школе. Она хочет стать модельером.


(All names are written in their traditional Russian transcription from English.)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_emper_/]

Oh my, you are totally right. The worst is that I know those things.

I should re-write this whole text and post it again.

spasiba

[oryx_and_crake]

There is no such country as "Айвори Кост". This country's name in Russian is Берег Слоновой Кости.

On the other hand, инспектор по надзору would do nicely because as far as I know there is no set phrase in Russian for a parole officer, and I don't think that _emper_'s professor would require the most precise title of _emper_'s father's position.

[oryx_and_crake]

You are always welcome.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_emper_/]

Could you please let me know where the accents go on "Берег Слоновой Кости"?

As for the translation, I googled it... It's the best I got. o_O

[oryx_and_crake]

бЕрег слонОвой кОсти

But using it in the phrase can present some difficulties because normally we say "Она родилась в (Германии, Англии)". But Она родилась в Береге Слоновой Кости sounds definitely bad because of "берег" in the name. Maybe the people here would have any ideas as to the proper usage of this geographic name.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_emper_/]

Thanks a lot for your constructive feedback!

The worst thing is that I knew most of that. *sigh* I don't write often enough in Russian. I should write compositions and get someone to correct them for practice.

[oryx_and_crake]

But you can avoid the problem with a little trick, e.g. say Ее родина - Берег Слоновой Кости (Her native country is Ivory Coast.) That way it sounds impeccable and we don't have to worry about the proper preposition that goes with it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_emper_/]

*nods* I understand what you mean. Oh well, I'm sure he doesn't expect us to have a perfect recording anyway.

Thanks again!

[oryx_and_crake]

Sure. You can do that here or in
practicerussian that was created specifically for this purpose.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_emper_/]

Wooh, that sounds good. And I just learnt new word (родина).

[http://users.livejournal.com/_emper_/]

ooooh, that's neat! Thanks for the link!

[eyeballmassage.livejournal.com]

russian wikipedia uses Кот-д'Ивуар, which makes me think of ivory cats

[jet-setter.livejournal.com]

This is because in an attemplt to distance themselves from their colonial history, the country is no longer known as the Ivory Coast in english, but as Cote d'Ivoire.

ignore my typos in the note i deleted

[belacane.livejournal.com]

does that literally translate as shore of elephans bone?

crazy!!

Re: ignore my typos in the note i deleted

[oryx_and_crake]

Why crazy? Yes, it is a literal translation of "Ivory Coast", but what's wrong with it?

[eyeballmassage.livejournal.com]

oh, i know, i was just sayin

[belacane.livejournal.com]

as someone who learned russian from scratch too... i know how difficult it is to keep track of endings at first.

What helped me the most was that I learned all the different case declinations IMMEDIATELY.... by the time i was 8 months into studying, i no longer needed a cheat sheet for cases.
Best thing i ever did with my life!
I'm not joking. (considering i've fallen in love with the language spent time living in russia and had a wonderful time learning about myself and the language, and now intend to go to graduate school for applied russian.... )

Re: ignore my typos in the note i deleted

[belacane.livejournal.com]

theres' nothing wrong with it....i love it!

[belacane.livejournal.com]

one last mistake.... окончил колледж instead of оканчивал
to use the latter indicates that he finished college multiple times... or regularly.