desperate measures

[red-kitti.livejournal.com]

I have to translate a ton of things from Russian into English and I'm getting kind of overwhelmed (at home alone working on this on a Friday night). So, I'm turning to this community for its wisdom.

Note: translating isn't even my job over here in Russia - I just have to get a lot of info up onto a website in both English and Russian and there is NO ONE here with me that speaks English, so it's up to me. Any help would be greated appreciated:)

Original:

Главную же цель мы видим в объединении усилии всех ведомств и структур в противодействии распространения ВИЧ-инфекции, чтобы научить каждого молодого жителя области главному: самая надежная крепость против СПИДа - он сам.

Надеюсь, что благодаря усилиям всех нам это удастся.


My attempt:

We see the main goal (as) the unification of all (gov't) departments ad structure(s) in the opposition (to the) spread of HIV-infection, so that every young (?) inhabitant of the region is taught the main thing: reliable (dependable?, firm?) strength itself against AIDS - is itself (strength?).

I hope, that thanks to the efforts of all (to?) you it dies out (?).

Comments

Ouch.

[ex-ex-zhuzh.livejournal.com]

This is legalese (governmentalese?) not Russian. Please forget this sorry excuse for human speech as soon as possible.

Anyway, the last part of your first sentence goes like this: "the most reliable stronghold (fortress) against AIDS is himself". Makes little sense, eh? To me too.

The second sentence is:

I hope that owing to the effort of everyone we shall manage it.

yes indeed... :(

[freedomcry.livejournal.com]

"Крепость против СПИДа" is almost psychedelic. The idiots.

And it's противодействие распространению. It began with people using genitive instead of dative with согласно, now the cancer's spreading...

Re: yes indeed... :(

[red-kitti.livejournal.com]

Heh. Sounds like you are a purist:)

Re: yes indeed... :(

[freedomcry.livejournal.com]

No. Well... not in this case. It's ridiculous people can mess up their syntax at this level. It's the equivalent of "would of" instead of "would've" in English.

Re: yes indeed... :(

[gera.livejournal.com]

It's actually so bad, I'd rather assume it's a typo.
After all, it's just one letter.

Re: yes indeed... :(

[freedomcry.livejournal.com]

Let's hope so. Maybe I'm being a pessimist.

Re: yes indeed... :(

[red-kitti.livejournal.com]

It's not my typo... I just double-checked and that's what is written in the brochure... I guess I'm going to have to have the Russian original double-checked too? Augh...

Re: yes indeed... :(

[gera.livejournal.com]

Since you're translating it to English, you don't need to worry about Russian typos.
And common sense seems to work pretty well for you.

Re: yes indeed... :(

[gera.livejournal.com]

I think it's beyond purism here. Genitive in this case is just dead wrong.

It would mean the resistance of the spread, not to the spread.

Re: Ouch.

[red-kitti.livejournal.com]

Thanks... This is helpful:)

It doesn't have to be an exact translation - I'm going to mess with the English, so that it sounds better... I just want to be careful to make sure that I'm communicating the same information.

[oryx_and_crake]

он сам does not mean AIDS but the young man/woman in question.

нам это удастся - we'll make it, achieve the goal, make it work.

[red-kitti.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[deserthalt.livejournal.com]

This probably comes late, but, for what it's worth, here's another way of wording the passage.

We see our main goal in the unification of the efforts of all governmental structures and agencies against the widespread of HIV, in order to teach each and every young person of the region that the most reliable defence against AIDS lies in their own awareness.

I think what might be twigging you is their (admittedly dimwitted, especially, in the context) use of "крепость", which in this case they don't mean as a derivative from strength, but rather as a noun "castle" or, I guess, "citadel" or "fort", even, to hit on a closer meaning.

[deserthalt.livejournal.com]

ack, didn't realise that the last sentence was a part of the original text:

I hope that combining our efforts in this endeavour, will allow us to succeed.

The more I think about it, the more I get the feeling that the trick of nailing this translation would be in aiming at translating the meaning and the tone, rather than trying to do it verbatim.

What's your audience like for the brochure? Because the style they are using in Russian is oh so very formal for something distributed to general public. I mean, I used "endeavour" to keep up with their style, but I would definitely use something more colloquial in an educational leaflet, myself.

[blinkenlight.livejournal.com]

My attempt of translation:

our goal is to unite our (gov't) efforts against HIV, to educate any young person in the region, that countering AIDS is his own responsibilty.
I hope that together we'll do it.

[red-kitti.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I like the simplicity of this version a lot.