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Lukashenko's Great Eggs of Wisdom

By Michele A. Berdy

Я своё государство за цивилизованным миром не поведу: I won't let my government follow the civilized world. (Alexander Lukashenko, president of Belarus).

Ever since Viktor Chernomyrdin left the Moscow spotlight, following Russian politics just hasn't been as much linguistic fun: President Vladimir Putin's occasionally salty expressions just can't match the glory of Chernomyrdin's malapropisms. The Belarussians are luckier, language-wise, at least -- they've got Alexander Lukashenko, who continues to rule the country with an iron fist and a rubber tongue.

For starters, he has a rather interesting take on world progress. While most of Russia's political leaders are striving for Russia to be a "normal, civilized country" (нормальная, цивилизованная страна), in Belarus Lukashenko declares: Я своё государство за цивилизованным миром не поведу (I won't let my government follow the civilized world). In fact, to that end, Lukashenko says: Ради сохранения спокойствия в стране я готов пожертвовать собственным разумом! (For the sake of maintaining peace in the country, I'm ready to sacrifice my own wits!) It's handy to know that in Russian, разум means "senses," "intelligence" or "reason" -- it is the part of human intelligence (ум) that is responsible for logic, as opposed to creativity (творчество). For all you literature lovers out there, it's the "sense" part in the Russian translation of Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility" (Разум и чувства).

Lukashenko is known for his double-entendres -- unintentional, one would hope. "никальность ситуации в Белоруссии состоит в том, что я никому ничего не обязан (the situation in Belarus is unique in that I don't have any obligations before anyone). We think he means, "I'm not indebted to anyone," "I'm an independent figure," but it could also mean, "I don't have an obligation to do anything for anyone." This is the kind of statement that gets Lukashenko in trouble with the EU, where they think that presidents actually do have a few obligations to their people.

He might not have obligations, but he does have dreams for his nation. In a classic Chernomyrdin-like malapropism, Lukashenko announced: Я обещаю, что к Новому году у каждого белоруса на столе будут нормальные человеческие яйца (I promise that by New Year's on every table of every Belarussian citizen, there will be normal, human eggs). "Human eggs?" It sounds like he was aiming for something like "a chicken in every pot" -- except for the fact that яйца (eggs) in Russian, in the context of humans, are "the family jewels." Not exactly what one wishes to see on a holiday serving plate ...

Lukashenko is adamant about the proper use of funding: Гуманитарная помощь -- это бесплатно, это для народа, в том числе для учёных, для чиновников (humanitarian aid is free for the people, including for scientists and bureaucrats). In another quotation, you can hear the echo of Lukashenko's village childhood: Возле кормушки, имя которой власть, все хрюкают одинаково: и красные, и белые (everyone, both the reds and the whites, oink the same way next to the feeding trough that is the government). We also know about his life on the collective farm from another statement, which has an interesting connotation: Я работал в деревне и жил с мужиками (I worked in the countryside and lived with men).

Maybe this is why we never see his wife. He is well-known for playing sports with the guys, or rollerblading about Minsk: Я очень люблю спорт -- это самое лучшее моё качество (I really love sports -- it's my best quality).

Lukashenko is still pushing for a union with Russia, but he has his standards: Я с жуликами, в том числе и с Россией, акционироваться не буду (I'm not going to take part in any auctions with crooks, including with Russia). After all, he is a man of principle: Я на этой земле родился, я здесь и умру. Чего бы мне это ни стоило. (I was born on this land, and here I'll die. No matter what it takes.)

You've got to admire his determination.

Michele A. Berdy is a Moscow-based translator and interpreter.