Moscow Times article

[alektoeumenides.livejournal.com]

Pass the Vodka and Zakuski, Dr. Watson

By Michele A. Berdy

Дикая страна -- пьют стоя, без закусок: An uncivilized country! They drink standing up, without anything to eat (said of American cocktail parties).

Russians, with their love of quotes and love for jokes, have combined the two to produce a new art form: jokes based on film characters and their stock expressions. Alas, it's sometimes hard to find examples that are fit to print -- especially with one favorite character, Поручик Ржевский (Lieutenant Rzhevsky) from the film "Гусарская Баллада" (Hussar's Ballad).

Most of these jokes are terribly obscene, since Rzhevsky is best known for his extraordinary success with women: --пит старый генерал с молоденькой женой и вдруг просыпается среди ночи и видит, что поручик Ржевский ласкает его жену. Генерал (гневно): "Что это такое, поручик?!!" Ржевский: "Это сон, господин генерал!" Генерал: "Ах, сон ... Подумать только, третью неделю один и тот же сон ... " (An old general is sleeping with his young wife. He wakes up in the middle of the night and sees Lieutenant Rzhevsky caressing her. "What is this, Lieutenant?" the general asks angrily. Rzhevsky: "It's a dream, General." "Oh, a dream. How odd that I've had the same dream for three weeks now ...")

Another set of characters is the Civil War hero Chapayev and his trusty helpers, Petka and Anka. Most of these jokes play on the contrast between Chapayev's legendary bravery and larger-than-life status, and his simple nature: Петька спрашивает Чапаева: "Вы пол-литра можете выпить?" -- "Могу, Петька, могу!" -- "А литр?" -- "Могу, Петька, могу!" -- "А бочку водки?" -- "Могу, Петька, могу." -- "А реку водки?" -- "Нет, Петька, не могу. Где же я возьму такой огурец, чтоб её закусить?" (Petka asks Chapayev, "Can you drink a half liter of vodka?" "Yes, Petka, I can." "A liter?" "Yes, Petka, I can." "A barrel?" "Yes, Petka, I can." "A river of vodka?" "No, Petka, I can't. Where on Earth would I find a pickled cucumber big enough to eat afterwards?")

Vodka fans will know that the trick to staying sane during long drinking sessions is "to have a bite to eat" (закусить) after every shot. Russians, wise souls, drink sitting at a table laden with "little bits to eat" (закуски). It's no surprise that the American cocktail party is anathema to them. After a Russian friend made his first visit to America in the 1980s, he said of the experience: Дикая страна -- пьют стоя, без закусок! (It's an uncivilized country! They drink standing up, without anything to eat!)

Another TV character who is the subject of endless jokes is the Russian spy Shtirlits, who infiltrates the Nazi high command in the beloved TV series "--емнадцать мгновений весны" (Seventeen Moments of Spring). If you haven't seen the series, it's hard to get the jokes. Most of them are parodies of the super-serious, off-camera voice that narrates the action, and a lot of them are based on puns. До Штирлица не дошло письмо, он перечитал ещё раз, всё равно не дошло. (Shtirlits didn't get the letter. He read it again, and still didn't get it.)

Shtirlits, the Soviet ideal of the super-spy mole, is always thick as two planks. Мюллер спросил у Штирлица, сколько будет дважды два. Штирлиц знал сколько. Ему сообщило советское командование. Но он не знал, знает ли это Мюллер. (Muller asked Shtirlits how much two times two is. Shtirlits knew the answer. The Soviet High Command had told him. But he didn't know if Muller knew.)

Russians have also claimed Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson as their own, thanks to a wonderful series of films based on Conan Doyle's mysteries. These jokes are always based on Watson's astonishment at Holmes' deductive reasoning, which turns out to be not so brilliant after all: 'олмс утром говорит Ватсону: "Опять вы пришли вчера вечером из клуба пьяным!" -- "Как же вы догадались, 'олмс?" -- "Элементарно, Ватсон, вы заблевали всю лестницу!" (Holmes says to Watson in the morning, "You came back from the club drunk again last night!" "How did you guess, Holmes?" "Elementary, my dear Watson: You threw up all over the stairs!")

It may not be subtle, but after a couple of shots of vodka, it's very funny.

Michele A. Berdy is a Moscow-based translator.

Comments

[wolk-off.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, as someone who gave up drinking years ago I'd better not comment this one! :)))))))))))))))

[xnrrn.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I spent many nights in the laser observatory in Herstmonceux, England. Drinking (tea), and telling/translating them russian jokes to the engineers that did the night shifts. :>

[wolk-off.livejournal.com]

Oh boy, translating the Russian jokes... you should have start the explanations from somewhere near Ivan the Terrible and Peter the Great, did you? ;-))

[xnrrn.livejournal.com]

After so many cups of tea, and hours during the graveyard shift (there aren't any others at observatories like that) they understand those jokes perfectly (with just a -little- background info).

[wolk-off.livejournal.com]

Hey, it looks like a quite unique experience! Didn't you think about writing something like "Russian Humour For The Beginners"? That would be a really succesful... article? book?

[xnrrn.livejournal.com]

Well, I was there for the telescope. Telling Russian jokes was just a pass time between measurements. :> It all began from us tracking some Russian meteorological/etc satelites (Molniya, Zorya and some others), just so I could have a peek at them, since they weren't in the data collection program.
Once the telescope started tracking scheduled satelites, there is some time to drink tea, talk and what not. So it all started from me telling some cosmonaut/satelite jokes, like the Chapaev /Petka sun landing one...