Винни-Пух

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hopium/]

Hi! For my second year Russian class, we're translating Winnie the Pooh stories, and I was wondering if you'd point out any major slaughterings in my translation, especially in the beginning. I definitely didn't know quite what to make of some of it, but

-- Эх, и зачем я только...-- пробормотал он, пролетев еще
метров пять.
"Eh, and why am I only...--I've worked my way through, but I've only gone five meters.

-- Да ведь я не хотел сделать ничего пло...-- попытался он
объяснить, стукнувшись о следующую ветку и перевернувшись вверх
тормашками.
"Yes, you see, I never wanted to bargain ba...--I attempted to explain it, knocking on the next branch and falling head over heels.

-- А все из-за того,-- признался он наконец, когда
перекувырнулся еще три раза, пожелал всего хорошего самым
нижним веткам и плавно приземлился в колючий-преколючий
терновый куст,-- все из-за того, что я слишком люблю мед!
Мама!..
"And because of that, -- I recognized after I had fallen three times and wished for the best bottom branches and a smooth landing in the prickly, thorny bush, -- all this because I love honey too much! Mama!..."

Пух выкарабкался из тернового куста, вытащил из носа
колючки и снова задумался. И самым первым делом он подумал о
Кристофере Робине.
Pooh scrambled out of the prickly bush, pulled thorns from his nose, and once again reflected. And for the very first matter, he thought of Christopher Robin.

Итак, Винни-Пух отправился к своему другу Кристоферу
Робину, который жил в том же лесу, в доме с зеленой дверью.
So then, Winnie the Pooh went to his friend Christopher Robin, who lived in the same forest in a house with a yellow door.

-- Доброе утро, Кристофер Робин!-- сказал Пух.
-- Доброе утро, Винни-Пух!-- сказал мальчик.
"Good morning, Christopher Robin!" said Pooh.
"Good morning, Pooh!" said the boy.

-- Интересно, нет ли у тебя случайно воздушного шара?
-- Воздушного шара?
"I wonder, if you don't, by chance, have a balloon?"
"A balloon?"

-- Да, я как раз шел и думал: "Нет ли у Кристофера Робина
случайно воздушного шара?" Мне было просто интересно.
-- Зачем тебе понадобился воздушный шар?
"Yes, as I once as I was walking, I thought, 'Does Christopher Robin have a balloon?'"
"Why do you need a balloon?"

Винни-Пух оглянулся и, убедившись, что никто не
подслушивает, прижал лапу к губам и сказал страшным шепотом:
-- Мед.
-- Что-о?
Winnie the Pooh looked back and, making sure that no one was watching, pressed a paw to his lip and said in a scary whisper, "Honey."
"Whaat?"

-- Мед!-- повторил Пух.
-- Кто же это ходит за медом с воздушными шарами?
-- Я хожу!-- сказал Пух.
"Honey!" repeated Pooh.
"Who gets honey from balloons?"
"I do!" said Pooh.

Thanks in advance! I know straight translation checks like this can be dull.

Comments

[oryx_and_crake]

Sorry to say that you are very much off in some places - are you using any dictionary at all? try Multitran.ru, it is a good dictionary.

пробормотал - he mumbled (I wonder where did you get "I've worked" from and why "I" if it is all about Winnie the Pooh so it should be "him" - I see that you have the same mistake everywhere)

bargain - again I don't see any equivalent in the original text. "Да ведь я не хотел сделать ничего пло..." the last word is truncated "плохого", and the whole sentence means "I never meant any harm"

пожелал всего хорошего самым нижним веткам и плавно приземлился - said good-bye to the lowest branches and softly landed

И самым первым делом он подумал - the very first thing he did was to think

зеленая дверь is a green door, not yellow (a dictionary, again?)


The rest appears to be OK.

[defying-elphaba.livejournal.com]

-- Эх, и зачем я только...-- пробормотал он, пролетев еще
метров пять.
"Eh, and why did I ever..." he murmured, sailing through the air five more metres.

-- Да ведь я не хотел сделать ничего пло...-- попытался он
объяснить, стукнувшись о следующую ветку и перевернувшись вверх
тормашками.
"But I never meant to do anything ba..." he tried to explain, bumping against the next branch and turning head over heels.

-- А все из-за того,-- признался он наконец, когда
перекувырнулся еще три раза, пожелал всего хорошего самым
нижним веткам и плавно приземлился в колючий-преколючий
терновый куст,-- все из-за того, что я слишком люблю мед!
Мама!..
"And it's all because," he finally admitted, after turning upside down three more times, wishing all the best to the lowest branches and landing smoothly into a very prickly, thorny bush, "it's all because I love honey too much! Mama!"

Пух выкарабкался из тернового куста, вытащил из носа
колючки и снова задумался. И самым первым делом он подумал о
Кристофере Робине.
Pooh scrambled out of the thorny bush, pulled thorns out of his nose and paused to think again. And first of all, he thought of Christopher Robin.

Итак, Винни-Пух отправился к своему другу Кристоферу
Робину, который жил в том же лесу, в доме с зеленой дверью.
So then, Winnie the Pooh set off to his friend Christopher Robin's, who lived in the same forest, in a house with a green door.

-- Да, я как раз шел и думал: "Нет ли у Кристофера Робина
случайно воздушного шара?" Мне было просто интересно.
-- Зачем тебе понадобился воздушный шар?
"Yes, I was just walking and thinking: 'I wonder if Christopher Robin happens to have a balloon?' I was just wondering."
"Why did you need a balloon?"

Винни-Пух оглянулся и, убедившись, что никто не
подслушивает, прижал лапу к губам и сказал страшным шепотом:
-- Мед.
-- Что-о?
Winnie the Pooh looked around and, making sure that nobody was eavesdropping, pressed a paw to his lips and said in a scary whisper: "Honey."
"Whaat?"

-- Мед!-- повторил Пух.
-- Кто же это ходит за медом с воздушными шарами?
-- Я хожу!-- сказал Пух.
"Honey!" repeated Pooh.
"Who goes to get honey with balloons?"
"I do!" said Pooh.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hopium/]

Oh, gosh, I have no idea how I mistook most of those. I use the Oxford Russian pocket dictionary, but I wasn't wearing my glasses, and I tend to wait until the end of a sentence to put it all together, both of which increase my chances of misreading or forgetting definitions. Yes. I was probably more careless than I thought, but I think the story is too high for the current level of my class, since we all had to look up nearly every word and didn't know the grammar to work with for translating. Oh well.

With the yellow/green thing, I definitely just typed the wrong one as I was thinking about how I used to get the two confused. Haha. With the "I" confusion, I wasn't sure where he was speaking and where was narrated. But I think I have it now. It's nice how everything makes sense once you have the answers! Thanks for setting me straight, and sorry for the scrambly translation and rambly reply.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hopium/]

Eeekh, thank you very much! Seeing a much more coherent translation really helps with knowing the basic idea of the story, although I doubt my teacher would believe I could translate that fluently. Haha.

(Very nice icon)

[alten.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't recommend to use that translation if you want your instructor to give you *any* credits. Check this: http://www.lib.ru/MILN/winnizah.txt
If your instructor familiar with the biggest Russian online library http://lib.ru he/she will figure that you just took Zahoder's translation and pasted in your HW. Keep trying to do something on your own, it will certainly improve your Russian.